how's this for a thought..

"sometime we need to stop analyzing the past,stop planning the future, stop trying to figure out how precisely we feel, stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel, and sometimes just go with whatever happens..happens..."

 Maybe this will stop my hair loss which has gotten really  bad since end december. ok but seriously.. 

It's hard for me to wait and stop thinking, but i then remember that God's got a better sense of timing than i do. And surely He knows what i need. So then, do i now grab my own baseball bat to fix things up myself, or let him come and swing the bat with me..

 

 

 

thanks.. but no thanks..

i'm thankful that i had "work" today.
but this is really not they kinda work i fancy.
if it hadn't been for the first and last customers, i think today was a perfect waste of time.
i will not subject myself to this kinda work again, not because i look down on it, not at all. simply because the opportunity cost is too high.
tmr's gonna (hopefully) be a busier day at the counter so it wont be so bad. fortunately it's also my last day. saturday - clean up my room + find mummy a dress.
let's hope my next job stint is more fulfilling.


in other news... this whole resettling in sg thing has proven to be harder than ithought. i've realized that there are at least two types of crying. the first is for catharsis. the other is just.. uncontrollable. not that you wail, but.. just that you can't keep the sprinklers from turning on even when you are surrounded by strangers whom you dare not look at because you dont want to make any eye contact.

imma sleep. night.
today's not the day to think of replying any email.

Isaiah Part 1, sermon notes

Most of us have been trained to be problem solvers. So when we face problems, we always look for solutions. That's when the problem gets our full attention.  In fact, in King Ahaz's case, the problem got so much of his attention that he could not see what God was doing in his world.  And i'd say most of us are like that too. Our problems tend to distract us from what little understanding we have of what God is doing in our world today.

God had told Ahaz to keep calm and trust Him, because all the fears that King Ahaz had about being defeated by the two other nations would not come to pass. Yet because he had not trusted, but instead sought help from the Asyrians, he then later on got overthrown by the very people who had helped defeat the two nations.

And so..

We've let it die, now, God is the one who does resurrection in dead places. How much will we trust Him?

I'm the kid in your back seat God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

"i....i feel funny........ why is this happening to me?.... is this going to be forever?"


I find myself thinking that in my head.

surely this is some kind of "after-dentist" type feeling in the larger scheme of things. God, this is good right? Everything's gonna be better right? far out i hate feeling like this.

Day 1

1. A new day. first day of the rest of my life.
2. Finally ready to unpack my luggage and start to accept my move back here.
3. The feeling of excitement, anticipation and thanksgiving, and being able to share it with someone, and tell someone about it.
4. Cameras that capture smiles
5. I have full vision (even though it's imperfect), and that my cornea was not detached.

5 things you're thankful for?

listening period

Psalm 147

Praise the Lord
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
how pleasant and fitting to praise Him!

The Lord builds up Jerusalem,
he gathers the exiles of Israel.

He heals the broken-hearted
and binds up their wounds.

He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
His understanding has to limit.
The Lord sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground.

Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;
make music to our God on the harp.

He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain
and makes grass grow on the hills.

he provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;

The Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Extol the Lord, O Jerusalem;
praise your God, O Zion,
for he strengthens the bars of your gates
and blesses your people within you.

He grants peace to your borders and satisfies you with the finest of wheat.

He send his command to the earth;
His word runs swiftly.

He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes.
He hurls down hail like pebbles
Who can withstand his icy blast?

He send his word and melts them'
he stirs up his breezes and the waters flow.

He has revealed his word to Jacob,
his law and decrees to Israel.

He has done this for no other nation, they do not know his laws.

Praise the Lord.








Obedience has brought overwhelming joy and peace. Thank you God.  Oh did i mention excitement?
it's funny, i don't know what is to come, where He will lead me, but I'm excited.

God, thank you for giving me courage through his brilliant childlike faith. and through his excitement. through smiles.  God be our king. Capture our hearts' allegiance.

another rainy day

I like this valentine's day wish that was posted on Facebook

Valentine's day is a day for love. But not just lovers; also for those whom we love and those we love deeply and dearly. The ones who pick us up when we fall, the ones who break our hearts, the ones whom we rebel. To every single person out there, may you be greatly loved and experience love at least once in your lifetime.

To the ones who break our hearts and the ones whom we rebel..

on the way home in the bus from meeting xin long and erica, i thought to myself that perhaps every year from now till whenever my kids call for my attention, it'd be nice to spend valentine's day with someone single. or some single people. even if i'm married (in which case it has to be some single people, or a single girl friend).

 

junkyard

in third year i had a sign on my bedroom door that read "my room is a reflection of my state of mind".

i think it's time i put that back up. my room's a mess. and i want to keep it that way. far out. something in me is just resisting making my new home here.

this time round im really glad for daddy to be around. think i've never really appreciated having him around this much. maybe it's because he doesn't have as many assumptions or expectations of me. not sure. maybe it's because a lot of things he does or the way that he does them, i have come to now grow a bit of fondness for.

i've not said much about being back here in singapore. the change of environment from one like Arrow has been drastic. There you've got people around you 24/7. community is all around. there's almost always someone i could talk to, almost always something to keep you busy and moving, something to prepare for, something to cook, something to plan.. and the people. so much time spent with them, and just after a 7-hour flight, all that time is gone. you're no longer there. and they're no longer around the way they were.

i would have expected myself to want to do up my room, make it super cosy and homey. i'd have also expected myself to  want to get a haircut. but i reckon these things are things i use as season markers and right now im not moving. so. when you see my room change or a new haircut you can be happy for me. heh.

death and trust

quick notes and thoughts

 " Watching the strength and brave good-natured humour of the parents in these difficult times was an encouragement and testimony to all of us present at the funeral. Our tears flowed freely in our collective grief, the hugs long and sustained. I absolutely lost it when they brought the delicate white boxes carrying the girls out of the room. It was just so final. It was at moments like these when I have to remind myself that we have a God that is good, but He is not safe. That we are not exempt from the trials that face us all, but carry a hope that this is not the end of the story. I looked around at the people gathered there that day and I am reminded that church, despite all its flaws and failings, can be an amazing community that rallies in the time of need, both to multiply your happiness in times of celebration, and to lighten grief by shouldering it with you in times of sorrow. Like many others there that day, I know our lives were touched and would never be the same. How do we live today in the shadow of the very real power of Death, the final enemy that God has yet to overcome? The Lord’s Prayer says ‘Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.’ Pity us as Christians if all the good we do here is to earn some buddy points with Jesus so that our mansion in heaven one day will be bigger than our neighbour’s. We are the bringers of God’s Kingdom here, today, on earth, as it should be in heaven. Let us live lives of joy, of encouragement, of generosity, of forgiveness. Let us laugh together freely, weep without reservation, live gratefully. Let us choose community over individualism, trust over worry, meaning over purposelessness, love over intolerance. I can personally say it is easier said than done, but I must try. Let us bring life where we can, and usher in God’s Kingdom. " - HKC on his blog.

 How arrogant and foolish you are obsessing over your broken toy while my son is hanging there

If you trust me, it will be ok. If you don't, you will be in trouble. In an operating theater, the patient better trust the doctor. So, seek first the kingdom.

 I'm not seeking to remove all your problems, but i will remain faithful to my purposes, and along the way, i'll absolve problems. If you will walk with me then you will see life come out. Don't go with your own KOGAE.


 Are we so sinful that we have no place in his plan anymore? is this possible? Can God restore us? and.. Does he want to?

 You always go back looking for your sins.

 Humans were meant to bring life, wisdom, love, culture, character of the Creator. His forgiveness of us is so that we are reinstated for his purposes for us.

reflex

Siyuan: eh u been to universal studios or not? me: no. i don't wanna go First thought in my head was that i still only wanna go with my luge person. reflex thought. i don't think i'll say yes to anyone any time soon.

unshockable.

 i wanna make sure i don't use him to find comfort, life, love and security. Even though he'd be able to provide a good extent of each of those things. So.. while many things remind me of good times we had here on my holidays, perhaps the distance would help me sieve out the emotions, and find (and define) who he really is to me.



"I was just like him, using people to find comfort, life, and love outside of God."
"Jesus knew that the Samaritan woman at the well had been mar- ried and divorced five times. He knew about her current “hookup” and how sexually entangled she was with the guy she was living with (John 4). Jesus was not repulsed. (Samaritans of Jesus’ day were treated by the religious community like gay people often get treated by some of today’s Christian community.) None of this kept Jesus away or kept him from offering her living water. Maybe Jesus wants Christ-followers who will be less like the Pharisees and more like"

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/165309-john-burke-jesus-was-never-shocked.html?p=2

An 87 Year Old College Student Named Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me
with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.We became instant friends. Every day for the
next three months, we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine"
as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and
she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was
introduced and stepped up to the podium.

As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell
you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop
playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day.

You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!There is a huge difference between growing
older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.

If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change.
Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those
with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died
peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's
never too late to be all you can possibly be .When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS
OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.


===========================================
 
 3 thoughts for the day:
1. First good grown-up habit: Be punctual. In fact, be 5 min early, then use that 5 min to say a little prayer
2. I realise that i dont want to open the present tasha placed on my study table on christmas, nor open the envelope to read the card she wrote to me, because I fear that i might have a sinking moment where I'd need a card like that or a present like that to save me. which is.. silly i suppose.
3. Singapore is really,  really green. greener than in melbourne city.

too much to write

in the face of death, so much of what we fret over dont matter anymore. they make us prioritize.

if i could write you a letter now
if i could go for a walk with you

mm..

please still ask me out for le mis..

FBTs

First thought when I got outta bed: Whoa. Look so Singaporean.

Maybe it’s the summer weather.. waking up a bit sticky, wanting a hairwash.  Or maybe it’s just the tanned skin which summer has given me as well. Actually, it’s the FBT shorts.  You know a girl is from singapore when you see the FBT shorts.  Worn everywhere. To school, to parks, to swimming complex, to the market, to the malls, to sentosa, to the airport, to the beach.. yeap.

 Singapore… here I come!

a different day

Today was a better day because I finally allowed myself to stop trying to be, but to just be.  It makes going back to sg less terrifying as well.  It’s funny how knowing that I’m let go seems to free me up to want to talk to him even more.  And it made me want to be able to enjoy a day out with him.  Today I wanted to hug him.  When I recall the years I’m not trying to find memories or qualities to convince me of anything, but I can step back and appreciate his being so much more.  He pops up in my mind more frequently, not as a sad loss, or anything bad, but.. I let my mind wander and sit on the thought of him, like the way phillipe in the Intouchables sits there in his wheelchair gazing, admiring, wondering, studying the art piece in the gallery which he eventually pays a fortune for.

We shall see what tomorrow is like.