secrets they shared with you

pray.

really tgif mehhhh?

i dont feel ready for friday. sun please stand still.

pretty.

these two really fashionable and well-dressed girls walk in slightly late for lecture. i saw the row of reasonably fashionable girls in front of me whisper to each other. i suppose by the way i've framed the scenario, it seems like the girls in front of me were talking bout the 2 fashionistas ey? well truth is, i don't know. but i did wonder that.

and as i thought about what catches my attention about a person, and i found that well-dressed people get my attention, but inspite of that, i realised that it is the people who are not so well-dressed but are attractive in a more indirect,subtle, substantial way that can hold my attention.

anyway, my career life is like an empty piece of paper and i have no idea what to draw on it. people say that if you have the grades you can do anything cause you're in demand. well then what happens to the other 90% of people? draw on connections? i think the problem is that many of us dont know what we really want. ythink we should think about what we want in separate chunks of time? hmm.

openess

i realised one thing about someone today - that at least on the surface, she seems to have this openness about her that's quiet, gentle and bold at the same time. and it's an optimistic sunshiny one.

some people are loud and gregarious, friendly and approachable, but you kinda dont really see a contemplative depth - sort of? im not saying they're not smart. that's really not what im getting at.

perhaps to a certain extent, there's a certain child-likeness about it. maybe i'm over thinking and being over-sensitive whatever but these qualities seem to be rare enough that when they appear, it gets your attention.

soop. and heart attack.

5 chicken drumsticks, pepper, 1 tbs tumeric powder, crushed oregano, fried garlic and onion, corn and water makes good soup. yum.

i thought i threw away my $49 recharge voucher in the safeway receipt bin and was about to run out of the house to look for it. turns out i threw the real receipt which i thought was the recharge voucher :) phew.

OD on nostalgia, what's up with that!

OD on nostalgia, what's up with that! don't know what got me started on reminiscing.

i suddenly remembered a friend that came and went really abruptly and though the time with him was short, that was like chilli powder kinda intensity - ok la, milder milder.

yeah that was 3 years back when i was still studying for my o levels (HAHA. dam, im young). i can't help feeling really overwhelmed actually, by uhm, how strangely distant and unreal it seems now, though it still warms my heart knowing that we laughed over nonsense, but also had good encouraging conversation.

i feel even more compelled now to have a party to gather my friends back in singapore.

skinless

expose that raw side
write an emo post
so the world will know that you've got something on your mind that's bugging you and infecting your heart. write it like this.
once in a long while the moon turns blue
and i just let me curse
not that it feels good or cool
but i remember who i am
a sinner
God i've got baggage but i can't let go.

walking in the light

when i got up to write today's bible study this morning i had no particular direction in mind. somehow or other i ended up writing on walking in the light, from 1 john 1-2. later on in the day, i realised that jl had been thinking about the same topic as well.

:) what are the chances, really? funny how God works.

on a side note, do you find that some friends are so nice/good that you feel like you cannot confide in them about your struggle with a flaw because you think they'll not understand? (it'd be great if you who bother to read this could leave a comment! :D)

maybe a hint of regret

months ago i asked fruit for **'s facebook page but i could never find it, till this morning i just somehow stumbled upon it.

i think i consciously keep certain memories from coming back, and im happy to let it stay that way unless i really have to take something out again - but only for building someone else up.

yeah i suppose there's regret, i'd be lying to say there isn't. and as much as i try to think i've completely forgiven, i think there are still feelings of contempt and disgust. well.. actually, are those feelings mutually exclusive with forgivness? now i wish i could sit here typing for a bit more, but i've got a lecture to attend.

it's funny how i think a lot of why im uncomfortable with c's relationship stems from mine with **. i'd just hate for her to get what i got. maybe i just feel insecure for her? don't know.

who's unfailing love?

proverbs 20: 6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?

what is it - that he would love me through the thick imperfection and pain that i cause? can any one person love like God?

midnight run to the shrine

i just had the most fantastic run ever in my life.
i was talking to sam during vip night and he asked me along for a midnight run just as nicky came over to tell sam that jon lee, joey and candice were joining them as well :)

we ran round one part of the botanical gardens.. or could have been the whole garden and the fresh spring night air was amazing! the view was excellent too - we were rather close to the yarra river.

tonight was also my first time to the shrine of remembrance. it looks amazingly majestic at night! there was a fire lit right in front of the shrine as well.

after the run, we just stood around the fire to cool down and do all sorts of other funny mini work-outs. if it wasn't cloudy, we'd have been counting stars too. :)

only reached home at about 3am cause the guys wanted to go eat, so candice and i watched. supper conversation was edifying. while joey looks like a quiet, unopiniated person, he's really got lots of stories and takes his stand on many things. good on him.

ok time to shower and sleep. almost 5am after talking to shirley and dong. gotta wake up early for house church meeting.

today came in many colours

i suppose eavesdropping is rude, but i can't help it when sound travels to well into where i'm sitting right now. took forever to sign in to blogger because i was so distracted by the conversation from downstairs. i think they're between 17 and 22, aussie, and gay/lesbian. the sudden exponential increase of awareness of gay people around me. it does feel a little strange. like a culture shock, almost.

their dinner conversation is quite different from what kyle, mandy, kat, baoshun and i talked about over lamb stew and mash today. had a fantasic time of laughter and contemplation. *nods. haha. like.

i was talking to kong kong and poh poh for the longest time today. kong kong hung on to the phone for so long because he was worried about pat and adrian coming over by themselves next year. i felt a tinge of guilt for planning not to pick them up from the airport. but - i know they'll be okae.

buying something super cheap leaves me feeling really satisfied. what do you call that? consumerism? not quite. hmm. im sure there's some bigger idea or theory linked to this feeling. i went for a short shopping spree on the way home with wenyi. we both spent ten bucks at cotton on and i spent another one dollar at safeway. the both of us bought a whole bag of random fruits and veg for a dolllar! yayyyy! so happy. i got an onion, brocolli, bananas and this other veg. yeaaahhhh..

i also got a box of ten boxes of strawberry pocky for $8 from yaweh asian grocery (it's the one opposite seasons beside chai -- i know, now you're thinking why do places in melbourne have such weird names)

trigger

spring's here.
recently when i walk along the corridor, i've been smelling hints of the same fresh, smell of my apartment as when i first moved in. Crisp and new, and slightly powdery.
that together with the cool weather, is bringing back certain memories from a year ago when i moved out of college square.

most of it's the feeling of excitement and uncertainty of moving to a new apartment. and i think of dong still studying for his law papers. and the independence (and slight tinge of loneliness) i felt during that hwole post-exam period.

mm. nostalgia.

who knows the way he works?

somehow, i have a feeling that today's bible study was more for K than anyone else in the DG. it's too much of a coincidence that the topic was so appropriate, and that K only replied my email today since i emailed him a couple of weeks back. hmm. i know he's in good hands cause i know who's in control. :)

it's not that i didn't listen

crap. two weeks break gone. gone. gone.
no work done done done.
how how how.
crap crap crap.

(k la, been working on my marketing assignment)

but still,
crap.

ah the picture is so inappropriately happy and serene.