no self-control!!!

argh! i can't stop eating cereal! it's so good! and i'm not even having it with milk. somebody stop me! the other thing i can't stop is pulling out my split ends and broken hair and then resort to scissors when i realise pulling at all the ends make my hair worse. ARGHMYGAWWWD.

on friday, i tried making sticky rice. 
jon took a look at it and went "this is sticky PORRIDGE!"
today, he took one look at my second attempt and went "WHAT IS DEEES?"
then joseph asked me if i baked the rice instead of steamed it.


seriously right.. im not made for the kitchen man.


OH BUTTTT i got them boys to taste it and they said it was yummy! so there is hope! :D


i'm jjust gonna ramble on from here.
i posted about tracking the way i spent my time by the hour right.. it's as hard as i thought it would be.

TimeWednesday	Activity
9	Bible study with Erica at home
10.15	Woke the boys up and started cooking breakfast
12	Breakfast time!
1	Clean up, shower, back to 877.
1.30	blogging

Time Thursday	Activity
10.30	Waited around for jon, kv and josh
11.30	Kerri’s place for singing lesson
1	Travelled to Richmond to buy sticky rice
2.15	Waited and met aunty evelyn
3	Toastbar open
3.10	Vong, counted till money
4.45	Short check up on Kat
5.50	Hung out laundry, checked with adeline on birthday venue hire
6.10	Sleep
8 or 9 i can’t remember	Went to the basement for dinner with the guys
Can’t remember what we did the rest of Thursday night	We closed toastbar early

Time Monday	Activity
8.50	wake up call from joseph. 20 min late for meeting
8.56	Meeting with ellie, joseph, juan, josh
1	Lunch with them+jorji+jonathan+Rachel
2	Soaked sticky rice
2.30	Opened toastbar
4.30	Audrey came
	I GIVE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

my days seem so boring when i box everything up like that.


i'll try again tmr, but in thought form.

last week, these few questions bugged me
1) what defines community?
2) what does community development and growth look like? and how do we go about it? (now i remember what i was going to talk to eugene about. needta ask him if he'd wanna hold mini workshops on community development for the toasters)
3)  how do you know you love someone? i've been feeling like i dont love people because i just aint feelin' it!


a few people i've spoken to about the above questions misinterpreted my questions for self-doubt and discouragement. i'm alright man. dont need another pat on the back.

if advertising meets a need, what need does Toastbar have that we need met? i dont feel the need for greater financial performance at the moment. other people would have opinions on this. very strong opinions on this matter. but i realise now how much my mindset has changed from since i started toastbar. what initiated it was a dream to open up spaces for good conversation and people to engage each other. it was a cafe dream. the melbourne dream. of course while it was a dream i was free to literally dream up fancy things with the perfect finishing touches and fine detail and no regard for the more mundane operational side of things.

now that i've had a go at diving straight into the deep end of things, my ideals have somewhat changed. my focus has changed. i used to spend hours looking at interior decor and thinking of my future home or cafe in the clouds and check out other little cafes around melbourne. but now all of this seems so irrelevant in light of the many other things that we could do, that are available to be done. like this frickin people thing.

farout. if only my mind could focus. i wouldn't be rambling on like that at 3am in the morning. ok nuff said. im going to clear up my head for tmr's events centre meeting. which now also reminds me of a fleeting thought i had when i typed the last paragraph.

if toastbar is where i work out community building, then perhaps events is where i can work out the business side of things. BUTTTT toastbar is a business. what am i saying. ok goodnight. im confused. no im sleepy.