really tired from preparing and selling laksa today. there was a power outage that affected Arrow and the surrounding buildings today. that was quite exciting.

it's about time to start casting vision and working out details for Toastbar next semester. Starting to be intentional about investing into people. doesn't come naturally to me though, i dont think. I dont quite know how. But i want to.

i didnt realise i expected my relationship with jhann & kv to be reconciled until just now when a hunch told me that the relationship was not ok, and i found myself reacting in a "wth what's going on why why why this sucks" way. but on a positive  note, i've been very conscious whenever i fall into that mode, and im snapping out of it a lot quicker. i'm more frequently reminded of why i'm here in arrow this year.


Han cheng loves fishing. LOVES. and he just randomly looked up from his math revision and told me a fun fact about grouper fishes. and this is the conversation at follows.
Han Cheng: do you like stingrays?
Me: yup
Han Cheng: what do you know about stingrays
Me: uhm.. they taste delicious?
Han Cheng just stares at me like i'm a cannibal.

people think marketing is the problem. but marketing is not the problem. people are the problem. i am my own problem as well. jon lee said last night that i've gotta stop fighting myself. but i think i need to keep fighting myself because i know there are things about me that are not by nature good, and so those bits - i sometimes try to go against. dinner conversation with jonlee yesterday highlighted the way i'm always caught in the middle. i'm always kinda like a rubber band trying to hold two diverging interests together. at times, these are two separate groups of stake holders, at times it's me[now] vs me[whereiwannabe].

i had a very frustrating conversation about profit sharing with doreen yesterday. and a very frustrating conversation with david on marketing. first of all, the function/definition/meaning of money was [once againnnn..] challenged, because doreen kept asking me why i personally wanna share the profit with volunteers. why why why wth how do i know whyy.. some things are just like that luh. marketing suggestions.. i am a marketing graduate, won a marketing challenge.. but right now i just feel like saying "screw marketing".  dont get me wrong. i actually do appreciate that david is thinking about these things and coming up with ideas. it's a form of him taking ownership, and i recognise that as a good thing. so it's not him that frustrated me.. it's the whole marketing discussion [AGAIN]. Marketing is not the problem. yes. repeat. marketing is not the problem. so stop talking about it for now.

 then again, both conversations could have been frustrating because i was tired. (prepared and served out popiah and charkwayteow yesterday). i get exhausted after big cook outs like the ones we had yesterday and today. i also realise that when we do meals, i can't talk to people. i end up just being really busy on autopilot. no more engaging, no more embracing, no more empowering.
meh.

golly. what a grumpy person i am right now.