wake up

feeling of not wanting to wake up and not wanting to talk, but wanting someone else just to be there and not say or do anything.
but it's time to wake up, pull up your socks and be diligent because toastbar's not about you. you dont just do what ticks your fancy. you are here for the other people. but today i'm not here for the street people. today i'm not here for anyone. i'm here today because i said i would be. i dont want to be here though. not today. i just want to hide under thick warm covers.

hellish weekend. hellish. i hate looking at someone and having them see right past me like im not there. the whole weekend just felt so heavy because i felt small and invisible. it was hellish for other reasons as well.

but on the flip side, this weekend was a huge one for toastbar. we had the massive garage sale and Live@Toastbar which was a concert put together by these group of local artists that Kerri had connections with and they raised funds against sex slavery. it was a amazing night. on one hand, it felt very different because of the atmosphere. the way the furniture was set up, with tea lights at each table, the decor, the spotlight and soft lighting. the music. everything fell perfectly into place. and me actually handling the back end kitchen work all by myself. making pizzas. haha it certainly was a big step which i didn't know i could pull off. we did it in the end.  me gabby henny and david. and the help of ellie who also sang wonderfully.

it's dinner time now. up to the penthouse where i try to tease out the mess. lord give me clarity. you're all i surrender to.