a different day

Today was a better day because I finally allowed myself to stop trying to be, but to just be.  It makes going back to sg less terrifying as well.  It’s funny how knowing that I’m let go seems to free me up to want to talk to him even more.  And it made me want to be able to enjoy a day out with him.  Today I wanted to hug him.  When I recall the years I’m not trying to find memories or qualities to convince me of anything, but I can step back and appreciate his being so much more.  He pops up in my mind more frequently, not as a sad loss, or anything bad, but.. I let my mind wander and sit on the thought of him, like the way phillipe in the Intouchables sits there in his wheelchair gazing, admiring, wondering, studying the art piece in the gallery which he eventually pays a fortune for.

We shall see what tomorrow is like.