intimacy

i just came back from basketball with roberto, andrew, lucky and su ann. i'd say i've spent a lot of the trinity break looking out for things that people around me like doing, keeping an eye out for little pockets where i can plant ideas (oooh inception!) so that they can step up and start something themselves. so i lit up when roberto responded to my suggestion (of a weekly basketball session for the new semester) with a "why dont we start TOMORROW!!" i've also realised that as i start to feel more comfortable and confident in a group of people, i start noticing things i don't like. and it becomes all too easy to start picking the people whom you want to include. i'm a little more conscious of that dangerzone though. because i dont wanna be to anyone who ljh and kvl were to me. and i really hope if ever i fall into that trap someone who slap me awake and call me back to what it means to build healthy community. another things i've gotta watch out for when i get people started on running activities or programs is that it should be something they themselves really do want to do and are not doing just for my sake or just because i suggested to do it. because what i'll find is that if they themselves do not hold it, then once i step away, they will also follow my lead in stepping away and nobody will be left to hold out what once was. su ann cooked bakuteh today at my place. and she was such a gem. she was just alone in my apartment cooking while i was having a really long conversation with ellie and clearing out the old office. attempting to anyway. we invited new friends over to my place to share dinner with us. david brought his brother chee hoe, adam came, thomas and andrew as well, and they brought their friend lucky. surprisingly, dinner conversation had quite some substance. we talked about the muslim fasting and how some of us really respected them for being able to do such a difficult thing for 40 days, while the muslims said that it was actually really easy. our church has an annual 40 days of prayer and fasting as well but i dont know when that will start. it'd be nice to have at least some overlap. it was just simply delightful to have such personal conversations on our own beliefs (catholics, christians, muslim, taoists, buddhists and free-thinker all at the same table sharing bakuteh and KFC) and sense a kind of respect that is required for such open, non-offensive discussion. We also talked about how having a god is recognising that there is a greater authority that you are under, and whatever it is that rules your life, that's the authority you're under, that's kinda like your god as well. after basketball we also sat in one of the staff rooms at RMIT and chatted about corruption, a bit about our families and lifestyle. parents who are too busy for children. people who refuse to give in to corruption and believe in minimal corruption. i actually only wanted to say one thing when i started writing this post. that is, i really miss the intimacy and comfort of being loved so wholly and being secure in that love.