key word: discipline

k. super long to-do list.
the big weekend's resulted in an untidy workspace. which has been quite distracting.
and there's a missing bin. i need a bin!
haha. shykes elisa. you're so super unfocused. and you havent been able to stick to one thing. always trying to do so many things. omggggg im killing myself luhhhhh.

with this long to-do list, i'll need extra discipline.
but tim would say i need more structure that makes "being disciplined" easier.
OHHKAAYY. i'll plan tmr's schedule in 30min blocks.

the weekend killed me.
and i had a whole bowl of sambal on its own as part of the sambal challenge the Nasi Lemak guys had at the buffet. i did it more because i wanted to be involved in what they were doing.
but as a result, i had a tummy ache this morning which gave me some time off Office Team meeting. Tim texted to ask if i was ok but i told him the weekend was hell. i was dreading this morning's meeting because i didn't know how to answer tim's 'how's your weekend been?' question with everyone around. so when i saw the chance to tell him not to ask me that question, i jumped at it. at first he thought that i meant my weekend was hell he thought i was joking so he replied with a "haha" LOL.  "omg tim, this is serious. it's not about the sambal!"

i'm really thankful that i'm able to just say "dont ask me how my weekend was", despite him being my boss. try that in an asian context, i think your boss will think you're stand-offish. but the other thing i also really appreciated was how tim respected that request and was attentive to how far i drew my lines of privacy at this morning's meeting. and then having the chance to talk to him properly about all the mess that's been happening after the meeting.

 golly. each of the past few meetings i've had with tim have been at least slightly teary. I think he's seen me tear more times than anyone else in my life. ok maybe ching. haha. also because this year has been extremely challenging and i've cried more this year than i have in the past few years combined. I am blessed to be under his leadership.

sometimes what i need is not the "oh elisa i think what you're doing is great" encouragement, because i think more often than not, they dont see my weaknesses, they only see what's the surface level deliverable. and it's easy to say nice things when you dont quite go behind the scenes to see all the personal and entity level insecurities, the different hats i've had to wear in toastbar and in 877, my weaknesses and crap organizing skills and all the other issues that have sprouted since before the birth of Toastbar.  it's easy. it's easy to tell a person he is nice when you havent seen his ugly side.

but for tim to understand/see and to yet still affirm me and the journey that's led me to this new listening point, i receive it with thanksgiving and it does strengthen me to take the faith step out of my comfort zone (again).

So God, i thank you for bringing up good leaders like tim. May you grrant me a good night's rest and give me focus for tomorrow. Amen.



Andddd... because i've failed in two attempts to call mummy to wish her happy mother's day on sunday,
happy belated mother's day again! you are a strong woman. you are beautiful. LOVE YOUUU!